Colton - Episode 8 - Insert Witty Title Here....

It's Hometowns!!!  Exciting to watch (I guess) boring as all get out to draw.

So we start with Colton... IN THE SHOWER!  Do you think at this point the producers are just doing this to help people with their Bachelor drinking game?  At least he was inside.

So his first date is with Caelynn. She has a carriage for them to ride through town.  Gotta be honest, a bit of a yawner.  She's really kinda... boring.

 So they go to her house and he helps cook, but they do the same front to back cooking as he did with Tayshia last week and it's so awkward and weird and kind of reminds me of that skit you used to do at camp where the person was in front, and someone was behind them, pretending to be their hands and trying to feed themselves and brush their teeth.  So weird.

 Caelynn sits down with her sister, who went WAY to crazy with the falsies and the overly pink eyeshadow... I suspect she's thinking she's Bachelorette material.  but yet... she's skeptical.

Caelynn's step-dad is also a little bit not sure, so she tells him how he's her only dad and he means everything to her and blah blah blah...

And now we have home movies of little Caelynn... projected on the wall... above the stairwell?????

Colton says he's in love with Caelynn.  She is MASSIVELY "in love" with her.

So next up is Hannah G!!!  Of course we start with a jump hug.

Then she takes him to learn to be a southern gentleman in etiquette classes.... He walks ok with the book on his head (though it's at a very odd angle and one wonders about what a phrenologist would say about Colton's head.  Then they do table manners and even I learned that you're supposed to pull little pieces of bread off your roll and butter and eat them.  Colton was UNDONE by this.  It's one of his greatest fears.......

Hannah blathers something about him being her umbrella that protects her.  ZZzzzzzzzz.....

Hannah's mama, Beth (who I found to be a dead ringer for older Rosemary Clooney), doesn't seem real impressed with Colton.

 And AGAIN... more people sitting and talking.  Hannah and I assume what would be her entourage at Kleinfelds, should we get that far (now there's a cross promotion that hasn't happened yet...)

Hannah's dad seems to have no grasp of what's going on and isn't sure if there are still other girls in the picture.  Rosemary Clooney knows and still isn't impressed.

But dad... being the dad type that he is... gives his blessing to Colton.  That part is so weird to me.  The whole I need your blessing but remember, I'm still dating 4 other women...  In a shocking turn, mom too turns around and feels good about this.

Date 3 - Tayshia - she arrives with a blindfold and I (and I think Colton) suffer a little Demi PTSD at that point, but she's only driving him somewhere.  Though on the way he whacked his head on the side of the car makes me think that maybe these were filmed in a different order and that's why the book balanced on his head....

She's taking him skydiving.  He Litterally. Looks. Scared. Poopless.  He litterally prays that God will let him live through this because he still wants to lose his viginity and he's heard it's pretty great....

 So they get in the airplane, and they jump, and they survive.  At least it was something exciting and harkened back to their bungee jumping.

So they get back to Tayshia's house (which is a small, very modest house compared to the rest, and i almost wonder if the Bachelor people came in and landscaped and uplit it before shooting).  Tayshia and mom go sit on the bed underneath a VERY big cross and chat.

 Tayshia has been married before, and he dad is VERY skeptical about this whole business and he's not afraid to tell Colton. He's also VERY aware that Colton is still dating and falling for other girls.

Colton then sits with Tayshia's brother who is a federal cop or something and he rightfully puts the fear of God in Colton.  Then Tayshia and Colton sit down and talk about how their love has gotten so warm so fast (like it's been microwaved....)

So now to Cassie.... of course they meet at the beach, where we get a Modified Jump Hug, henceforth to be known as The Cassie.

Cassie of course decided that Colton needed to learn to surf.  I appreciated that despite his muscles and sporty attitude, he was REALLY bad at surfing.

Did you watch friends?  You know the episodes where Rachel runs into her friends from back wherever she was before she left Barry at the alter.... and she and her friends all scream.  Cassie's family is that.

Except dad.  Who just stood there.

Colton sits next to Cassie, holding her hand, rubbing her leg, and dad can NOT take his eyes off of it.  I'm surprised Colton's hand didn't spontaneously combust.

Colton talks to mom, and she seems mostly cool with the whole situation.  Dad is very much so much NOT ok.  He thinks this is all ridiculous and he knows that Colton is running around telling other girls he's in love with them AND he reminds Cassie that she is only 23 years old and I'm TOTALLY in dad's camp because she is a BABY!!!!!  But Cassie argues with dad and says she IS being smart but I'm going to tell you that the whole conversation made her look very high schoolerish.

Colton goes to Dad, asking his blessing.  The answer is Hell No... but maybe a little softer than that but not really.

So Colton talks to Cassie and he's wanting her to say she loves him, and she just isn't saying it yet.  Of course that means she's out, right????

Time for the rose!!!!!!  Cassie is freaking out that she made a mistake not telling Colton she loves him.  Sounds like a secure relationship.

And Caelynn is out!!!!! I'm not surprised.  She's very very sweet but just almost too sweet.  I think Colton likes a girl with a little edge... and that's NOT her.  She's very much going to marry someone who wears polo shirts with sweaters tied around their necks.

But then he says goodbye and I think now he's second guessing himself.  But not enough to jump over a fence.

Does anyone else think that all this is producer drama and really they were playing Frisbee and whoever he was playing against kept throwing it badly and they threw it over the fence and in his way of telling us everything he's doing, he's just saying "I'm over this..." as in he's over the fence?????