Colton - Episode 3 - Beauties and the Beast

So we start with all the ladies gathered around the coffee table.  There's a girl in the back left corner that I have NO idea who she is.  It looks like she has a straight blonde bob... and no one has that hair.  Very confusing.  Chris comes in and the girls share that "this is hard" and he basically says "duh"

Demi has her glasses on and I swear I haven't seen glasses that big or square in a long long time....

The first group date is announced.  It's at like the Pirate version of Medieval times??  Colton's a pirate and blah blah blah.....

The girls dress up as pirates and compete in piraty things (shout out to Veggie Tales) and Hannah B kicks everyone's ass... except Caelynn ends up rescuing Colton which triggers Hannah B.  (You might remember they were roommates at the Ms. USA pageant.... if you forget, don't worry, it'll be mentioned 225 more times)

 So they are at the second part of the date and there's some random couch time with Katie.

Meanwhile Demi continues her assault on "the older girls" and I really wish I were able to be a fly on the wall when she's 31 and realizes that it is not quite the senior citizen age she thought it to be.  But on that note... if Colton were REALLY looking for someone ready to be a wife, then why do we have 22, 23 year old girls on here?

 Demi (SO ANNOYING) pulls Colton aside and blindfolds him and starts spanking him.  I. Don't. Have. Words.

In MUCH better news, Elyse got the one on one date and that makes us happy.  We like her.

 Then Colton kisses Caelynn (at least I think it was Caelynn... I didn't label this picture and it really could be any one of the girls)

 Hannah B decides she needs to tell Colton all about how bad Caelynn is.  Hannah is a little big quack-a-doodle as she WHISPERS things to Colton.  Bet the sound guy is LOVING her.

Colton go to Caelynn to ask about the accusations Hannah has made and basically Caelynn cries about her traumatic experiences that she can't tell Colton about yet.  So he gives her the rose.  As quack-a-doodle as Hannah is... Caelynn seems the manipulator in this whole situation.

 So the next morning Caelynn is hanging out with girls and whining about getting a rose but not being happy... blah blah blh

Elyse and Colton are headed to the skies in a hot air balloon  Helicopter!  OOOO

They land and go to an amusement park.  Colton says he knows it was supposed to be a one on one date, and Elyse gets a look, but then a whole bunch of kids run out and it's pretty cute (other than it feeling like a mom audition)  It seems most of the kids may have some connection with a hospital charity Colton runs.

The two of them have a great time with the kids, but then it's just them, riding the roller coaster, and he has them stop it right at the top of a hill.  Awwww.

Next stop is a beautiful... lobby????.... for dinner.  Elyse opens up with her traumatic past (which really is... her sister got cancer while pregnant and passed away... Elyse has an amazing attitude about the whole thing...)

I thought the date was done but NO........

Seriously... every... single.... season....


Time for the 2nd group date.  Colton brings out the gun and loses his shirt... of course.

The ladies run out of the transport vehicle and I think it was Onyka who does......

So the date is everyone getting exercise.  Blech.  People show off various skills (or indicate a lack thereof)

At this point there's a "limo pull" and one girl can't get it to budge, and another pulls it right away and I call BS.

 A bunch of blondes are talking and I literally have no idea who is who.....

Colton pulls Caitlynn aside to chat and she proves to be one of the most vapid, but honest, ladies in the bunch.  Her goal in life right now is to hang with her friends and be silly.  Done and Done.  Bye Caitlynn.

The next morning we're in the kitchen, discussing Caitlynn's departure.  They open the giant fridge and it begs these questions....

 At this point the black sharpies died and so did the horse that is the drama between Caelynn and Hanna B.  Did you know they were roommates at the Ms. USA pageant???

Time for the Rose Ceremony.... Catherine.... she of the very annoying episode.... slips quietly into the night as the other girls yell "Love You."... how the tables turn.....  SO we lost 3 blondes... leaving us with 41 more.....