Welcome back.
Our first shot is a freshly awoken Colton, shirtless in his bed... last night was the first rose ceremony and it was amazing and not what he thought it would be and he just knows his future wife is one of these girls. I have never heard those words from a Bachelor... ever. (Not for nothing... when the girls were let go at the end of last week, they walked out into daylight so I call bull on this being that same morning)
We have our first group date. Oh it's so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I guess)
They end up at some sort of theater where Nick Offerman and Megan Mulally are there. They talk about stories of firsts and honestly.. meh.
Elyse was first and she talked about basically being older which made her wiser and know what she wants. Demi said she was so proud of how brave Elyse was to admit her age... what ever, toddler.
One of the girls brought up the drowning in bitches line, and then Catherine did too, and kicked the mike stand down yelling "I'm Michael Phelps". Hmm... the corset might help you swim fast....
Demi kisses Colton. It's really not fun to watch. She's a toddler and he's WAY too much tongue.
Back at the ranch, Hannah B gets picked for the one on one date the next day which IS HER GOLDEN BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Back to the group date. Demi Demi Demi. Demi says she's going to get the first Group Date rose. Demi laughs like a machine gun stuck in butter. Demi's an immature child. The only comfort I have is I KNOW she a producer pick and there's no way Colton is really into her.
Good News!!! Elyse got the rose!!!! WE like her. WE even more like the look on Demi's face when she DIDN'T get the rose.
Caelynn (Ms. Nc) and Hannah B (Ms. Al) were roommates at the Ms. America competition. Caelynn seems to think Hannah is a modern day Jekyll & Hyde. Surely not!!!
Colton wisks Hannah away to ... rocks. And they ride horses. And they toast each other. Only she freaks and can't think of anything to toast and she's not talking and it's HELLAWKWARD!!!!!!! Colton is worried that he's not going to be able to give her a rose at the end of the date. So obviously the fix is to head for the hot tub in the middle of the desert.
That night they find themselves on the Queen Mary (which is haunted, which they didn't take advantage of... jeesh) and COLTON WANTS TO TOAST AGAIN! My GOD MAN LEARN A LESSON!!!!!!!!!! But the evening goes better and he gives her a rose. Great. Not really
Group Date 2 - Mostly all people that you haven't heard about and will probably be off the show in 14 days or less. They go to "Camp Bachelor" and are divided up into two groups. Red and Yellow. Blah blach.. They play games. Sadly there was a production error when they mislabeled Duck Duck Gray Duck as Duck Duck Goose.
The losing team (not of Duck Duck Gray Duck... but of all the competitions) has to go back to the Mansion. The winning team is spending the night at the camp with Colton. 2 girls who I have yet to figure out who are, sat on the couch back at the Mansion and said That's Very Intimate in a VERY disapproving manner about 30 times.
Heather finally shares with Colton that she has never kissed anyone... He's fairly cool with it (like he could be anything else)
This fire-side group date rose goes to...
They're back from camping, so Colton takes..... a shower. Of course.
Time for the cocktail party. Courtney takes the lead in asking Colton to chat, then Sydney sit on the steps, sharing her soul (yeah for alliteration!!!!) Oneyka comes with an airhorn cause she's horny and then it just gets stupid,....
I won't even type what happened. I'm too offended....
Ugh. Yuck. Demi.
So WE have our final rose ceremony. I swear I'll draw this soon, but right now there are just TOO many ladies and some I still have no idea who they are....
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