Welcome!!!
It was a BAD week for Colton. I'm pretty sure he didn't have his shirt off ONCE! I question how clean he actually was, as there was NO footage of him showering outside..... He seemed pretty torn up at the beginning of the show. Not sure if you are aware that his WORST FEARS™ are maybe coming true. WHO ISN'T HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASON????? WHO???? WHO?????
The Gang leaves Vietnam and heads for exotic Denver.
Colton wanders around Denver, such a happy lad to be home. Even more excited was the gentleman running across the intersection behind Colton. Do you think he had a viewing party last night and kept pausing the show and yelling "that's MEEEEE" at his friends?
So we get our first jump hug™ of the week as Colton meets up with Ben from season... sometime ago.
Sigh. Seriously missed opportunity there.
So Ben asks Colton how it it's going. And Colton whines that it's hard. And Ben cheers him up with the news that it only gets harder.
So the Ladies are wandering about Denver, and then they meet up with Colton and his dog. At this point my dog lost her absolute shizzle and I pretty much couldn't see anything until the dog was finally off screen.
So Tayshia gets the one-on-one (I looked it up and it turns out Denver doesn't have a special way to say one-on-one). They stroll about town, drinking wine, eating ice cream, buying fish. And then Colton shocks Tayshia with the news that maybe there are some girls here for the wrong reasons, and what does SHE know about it.
Being the gal-pal that she is, she grabs the keys to the GreyHound and plows it directly over Caelyn & Cassie. Apparently they were the ones who "looked upset" when Colton said that last week, so they MUST not be here for the right reasons. Good logic there.
So then Tayshia and Colton go to some apartment which I in no way believe is his, and they cook together, with him standing behind her and cutting vegetables together. Have you ever tried this in person?? No way that's happening without drawing blood. Then they proceed to sit down with said food and... not eat it of course. We don't eat on the Bachelor.
They talk about what it would be like next week, meeting her parents. She says her dad will be tough, but glad she's in a healthy relationship. Um... compared to who?? Cody Brown? She gets a rose.
The next day Tayshia & Kirpa discuss this Cassie & Caelyn thing with their glasses on.
So Caelynn gets the next one-on-one, and she meets Cody way up high in the mountains. They both have winter gear on and look cute. Again, we have folks in the background... I wonder if they know they witnessed a Jump Hug™
So they go snowboarding (which, by the way) is no where near where they met in the mountains. That was some major car riding. They end up at some cabiny thing where Colton shares that this is SO HARD. SO HARD HE'S CRYING.
So he confronts Caelynn with this whole assertion that she's only there to be the next Bachelorette. And she's SHOCKED! SHOCKED I TELL YOU!!!! NEVER. NOT ONCE. Every night she just prays to God that they will end up together at the end of this.
Good call on her part.
So then they go "eat" at the Red Rocks Ampitheater and GUESS WHAT??? BRETT YOUNG (who according to a quick Wikipedia search is a pop country artist who apparently was named Best Male Artist of the Year (kiss of death)) who is COLTON'S FRIEND (doubtful) just happens to be there, playing a song. So they dance. At least this time there's not a whole crowd behind them, snapping selfies.
The next day, Caelynn asks Tayshia (both of them using such gross baby voices) to come have a chat. They sit on the couch and yell at each other about both of them being stupid.
Hannah B has the next one-on-one (Causing Cassie to flip) and he TAKES HER TO MEET HIS PARENTS!!!!!
And then PROMPTLY DUMPS HER! That was cold. She must have thought meeting his parents meant she was in the running. Bad Colton. He just doesn't think he "can get there with her"...
So it's group date time for the other 4. Heather, Kirpa, Cassie & Hannah G. Heather's the first to meet with him, one-on-one, and she just basically bails. Catches the train, and heads home. Smart girl.
He then takes I think Hannah G to this bench that seriously is just a metal mesh
Then it's Kirpa's turn to sit on the torture couch and spout stuff about Cassie & Caelynn... seriously same song, second verse.
Colton says he's still not sure what to do. So he's going to wait and see what happens that evening.
So they're all sitting around a table, and Colton asks Hannah G to come outside. She does, which leaves Kirpa, Cassie and a GIANT elephant in the room. They will not even LOOK at each other. Hannah G of course gets a rose.
All of a sudden, out of the producers ass, Caelynn walks up to this mansion where they are "dining" and walks in, past the other girls and the pachyderm, and finds Colton, I believe, just having finished using the little boys room? She tells him that all this crap about her and Cassie is bunk.
Given that he then boots Kirpa, I guess he believed her.
So in the end....
Next up. Hometowns!!!
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