And we're in Thailand. Did we know we were going to Thailand????
At any rate... Colton is showering... outside... of course.
Of course we start with a one-on-one date. (Bæb h̄nụ̀ng t̀x h̄nụ̀ng for those keeping track) Heather gets the date!! Do you remember that she's never been kissed? Cause she hasn't it... She jump hugs him. Ugh.
Now... because she's never been kissed before, he's freaked as hell to kiss her which makes the whole day......
BUT THEN HE FINALLY DOES IT... WHILE FIREWORKS ARE GOING OFF.... (That puts the first kiss on a pretty high pedestal...)
Meanwhile... Elyse clearly didn't think this whole thing through and goes BONKERS.
In other news... Kirpa (who has had NO time with Colton) has a huge bandage with NO explanation. (Apparently she fell trying to get a picture and sprained her wrist as well. Considering how much the Bachelor LOVES a good clip of an ambulance, I'm STUNNED they didn't include this.... guess that tells you how much DRAMA there is this week....)
So Elyse heads to Colton's room to say that she can't do this. She can't stand being around all these other girls who are falling in love with him. So she's leaving. In all seriousness, I really get where she's coming from. I think she didn't expect to feel these things and it WOULD be hard to be part of this polygamy run-amok....
Colton is sad. This is his WORST NIGHTMARE
So that's sad. But now we're onto the group date. A bunch of girls in the jungle with Colton and "Colton's Friend, Joe." (He appears to be a native of Thailand who is going to Guide Them.)
They all eat weird bugs and hold eels and Colton has a big-old-snake wrapped around him (and no.. that's not a euphemism...)
So they get split into 3 groups to go into the jungle, collect water and "food"... Hannah B, Hannah G and Demi hop in the car and head to... well... Starbucks for all intents and purposes. They bring Colton a burger... not stupid.
At one point in the jungle he kisses Tayshia and the other girls see it... and rightfully get jealous. I think last week he said that he wouldn't do that in front of the other girls... I guess he changed his mind....
FUNNY GIRLS!!!
So it's the night of the group date... more kissing.
AND then... COLTON'S WORST FEAR!!!!!!! Oneyka says Nicole IS NOT HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, you may ask how does Onyka know this? Well because Elyse told her before she left!!! So apparently Nicole told Elyse and Elyse told Onyka and Onyka told Colton. BUT then Tyneshia says that's NOT what Nicole said. Basically... Onyka then says "I'm not spreading rumors... I'm telling him something I was told." I think Onyka needs a dictionary.
So people are nasty and stupid and so stupidly girly.
More importantly... Hannah B got the group date rose. Which is good. With Elyse gone, Hannah B is one of my more favorites.
Cassie gets the next one-on-one date and she manages to meet him WITHOUT a jump hug... but DOES end up in a back-breaking reverse dip hug....
They swim... surprise (and he grabs her butt a LOT)
Then they are "eating dinner" and chatting. And he WINKS at her. Oooo.. that's new.... Cassie is concerned that when she gets home, she's gonna have to have some tough conversations because the world now knows she's NOT a virgin. Me thinks Mommy didn't know.....
Interesting... all the girls seem to think there's a strong connection between Colton and Cassie. Which thanks to "production" we have no idea about.....
So Hannah B and Kirpa chat. About one-on-ones. Which neither of them has had.. I think?? I know Kirpa hasn't. Bless her heart. Has he even talked to her??
It's Cocktail Party time!!!! Apparently Onyka and Nicole have NOT buried the hatchet. Everyone is doing what they can to get his attention.
Tayshia has a latern they send up. Demi gives him a ring (TRY HARD). Kirpa checks his teeth. Then Nicole sits down and BARES HER SOUL. AND slams Onyka......UH OH. Now Colton is CONFUSED and it's his WORST FEAR!
SO he talks to Onyka and says that Nicole said Onyka is a bully and says that Nicole is mentally unstable. She says she would NEVER say that. And then proceeds to say Nicole is a Psycho and that she can say things to tear you down. AGAIN... girlfriend needs a dictionary.
THEN Nicole and Onyka go AT IT.... yelling at each other, to the point that Colton can't concentrate on his conversation with Katie... who I forgot was still here.... He goes to sit by Nicole & Onyka and tells them to continue their conversation. He tries to talk, and they won't let him. So he gets up... and walks away. They both run after him, but he's having NONE of it.
So he's left to WALK ON THE BEACH.
To be continued.....
But don't worry... we have a little completely inappropriate outtro with Sydney. Please enjoy my tribute to MST3K
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